I have some friends who play magic, I don’t know if they will ever get to the place you describe.

EDH is definitely the format for the married with kids and job bracket I’ve found.

@Lackey: I hear you on the busy weekend and holiday schedule. I'm actually probably pretty lucky as far as scheduling things with my non-gamer wife goes:

– One "advantage" I have is that as a nurse, she works one weekend a month so if the stars align properly, she's working during a Magic event and I get to avoid the potential conflict.
– The FNM at my local store usually ends just an hour or two after she would get back from work, so if she's working, FNM is not really that big a deal.
– She likes my Magic friends so I probably get a little leeway there.
– And finally, as long as I don't do it every night of the week or at times when the house is "a mess," I can pretty much have people over to play whenever.

Boy, my wife rocks! B^)

@Jay Kirkman and @Lackey: The schedule thing is GREAT. We have a running calendar of upcoming events and I've already made sure to put the Mirrodin Besieged prerelease and release tournaments on there, as well as all the major nearby Star City and Grand Prix events on it. I may not actually attend them all, but we can plan ahead accordingly.

@Marc Aquino, @Jay Kirkman,

Thank you both for the advice. I already try to incorporate this level of mutual understanding, in both activities she wishes to do away from me, and in my activities (Magic included, but not Magic exclusively).

Did I ask if she'd mind if I go to FNM on Friday? Yup. Did she have any issue? Well — yes, but a legitimate one. As we not only had company coming the next day, but we're prepping our home for a holiday party in 2 weeks, and every night we get something prepped for it, the more smoothly it'll go.

So I stayed home Friday night and cleaned house, instead of going to FNM. Did I mind? Nope. There will (hopefully) always be more FNMs. And even if now I won't have a chance to play in an FNM again until January (the likely scenario), I'm ok with that.

It's also likely I would have gone 2-3 with a janky combo deck, because I lock the Johnny in me away and build a decent deck for once.

Marriage is give and take, respect and trust. Right now, this month, my desires get pushed to the back burner. And that's fine with me, there are other priorities that take precedence.

i overreacted completely.its just that i feel magic has this stigma on it as childish from the nonmagic community,and i thought someone from the magic community was telling me it couldnt be as important to me now that im older without neglecting my family and it struck a nerve.i tell people im going to play cards and they asume poker ,i dont correct them because they are fine with poker and i dont want to hear there judgemental shit about a trading card game.magic is for any type of person at any age in their life i hope im at a sanctioned tourney when im 65 and i hope its even more fun than when i was 28.

again i appalogize to you ,my rage about age just kind of slipped out . you are a great writer and i look forward to reading future articals from you. this is one of my favorite sites and i was the one who was WRONG .

just do me one favor?

someday , even if its five years from now stay and play one of those fnms.do it for us old heads out there lol

much respect

@Lackey- My piece of (unsolicited) advice is to get a certain amount of these times agreed to beforehand, and you'll likely have a lot better luck in not only being able to go, but also (just as importantly) feeling better about it.

Perhaps something like, "honey, my hobby is very important to me, but of course so are you. I'd like to attend my FNM every other Friday, so that way we'll have the other Fridays together, as well as any other nights we have plans." That's cheesy, but it gets the idea across. Setting permissions ahead of time makes all the difference.

As a postscript, I'm not too big on dismissing circumstances as incomprehensible by those who haven't had those direct experiences- generally as thinking creatures we can extrapolate or approximate by drawing upon similar experiences we *have* had. That said, I used to hate the expression "you don't have kids, you don't understand," because it always seemed to be a cop-out.

Six weeks ago, I had my first child. And now I believe it. 😀

I feel bad for you if every time you ask your wife to go to FNM she always has to put that "twinge of regret" edge on it. If you're already self-limiting the amount of time you play Magic, then your FNM requests should be reasonable.

I've been married for four years to a non-gamer, so I understand the inherent potential conflict in choosing to spend time away from your wife, but if you're really aggressively working to spend time together, you should be able to do something on your own if you want to. I've found that in relationships it's important for each partner to be solid and happy on their own, as it helps them to be solid and happy when together.

On to the article: I was a little confused by what the point of it was, as I think dredge demon was. I think the tone and word choice got in the way of the message. If I'm reading it correctly, Robby is just trying to explain to people why he (and others in his position) sometimes have to pass on participating in events.

I actually find Robby's reaction interesting because I also run into that question ("you're not playing?"), which is a completely reasonable question to ask when someone who is obviously a Magic player is there but not playing or there and about to leave once the event starts. Let's face it, sticking around to play in the event would seem to be the thing that makes sense to most people, right? So why wouldn't someone ask why you're leaving? I certainly would.

Saying "Players who aren't in this situation just don't understand" is somewhat unfair and certainly inaccurate. Most Magic players are people who have other interests and other things they choose over Magic when there's a conflict. Just because they aren't in your particular situation doesn't mean they don't understand wanting to do something besides Magic.

I believe you misunderstood what I was writing about. In no way was I talking about giving up the game or shelving it, because that's just silly. I know that sometimes as you do gain more responsibilities you have to juggle your personal free time with other activities.

There are a ton of younger players in my area who don't have such attachment and play Magic every weekend. I'm fortunate to live in an area (Seattle) that has tournaments on a regular basis. There are Legacy, PTQs, drafts and Standard tournaments going on all the time. And for the players who do have that kind of time to go to these, they don't realize the effort that an older person who has attachments has to do to get to these events all of the time. And if they're constructed events, playtesting matchups takes a great deal of time to do, especially if you're serious about trying to finish high in the rankings. The regular players in my local game store have now gotten to the point of slowly understanding that I do more than just try and play Competitive Magic. It was a choice I made and soon one they will make themselves whether they know it or not.

While I applaud you for going to 2 out of every 3 FNMS (which is a pretty good average for any player), by going to 3 PTQs in 3 years, that's around how much I average as well (about 1 or 2 a year). You and I aren't so different. I make time for Competitive Magic (Since I'm a Johnny/Spike), but I can't make all of the time. And I know that there's a huge population of players that are like that. This was partly for them (saying that it's alright if you don't play all of the time) and partly for the young players who don't understand about some of the other joys of life with those responsibilities. Dylan is right: while this could have been almost anything that one can "binge" on, this is about Magic. You need to find the right balance.

As for myself, ever since I've gotten married I have gotten more involved in Magic, especially in the online community aspect. My wife has been very accepting of my "second love" and I don't think I would be with her if she didn't understand it. I'm like Jay, I've become more "successful" with Magic after I gave up trying to get on the Pro Tour. I've learned to embrace other formats such as EDH as Andera is learning to do (it's ok, go with it!). I've had more fun playing Magic now then I did when I was in that little responsibility age because I've learned to appreciate it more.

As for if I'm the kind of person who should be writing about Magic, everyone has their own opinion. Not everyone will like my work, and I completely understand that. There are some Magic writers who work I don't like and I don't think they're good for the game (All names withheld (But no one on QS)). I do hope you give me one more chance with my next piece; I promise I won't appear to be so negative.

My wife and I spend so much time during the week dealing with work, school, keeping up with the house, taking care of pets, spending time with family, etc. that there is really very little time we are able to devote to each other! Taking away one of those nights for me to go to my local FNM seems selfish, and as a result, I self-limit the amount of time I play Magic.

However, I think it *is* very possible for those without my circumstances to understand why I cannot devote more time to playing our favorite game. Being dismissive and saying "It’s like Vietnam; you won’t understand because you weren’t there." really is flippant. This is the same to me as parents saying "You don't have kids, you just don't understand" to someone without kids — I think you CAN have an understanding and appreciation for someone else's circumstances without having lived them yourself.

Do I envy those who have the luxury of being able to make Magic a higher priority? Sure I do. But I'm sure that there are aspects of my life that others would find just as enviable. And they don't have to live my life to understand those benefits.

Like you, nobody asks anymore when I leave after 20-45 minutes. I might pick up a GPT or random constructed win every month or two, and might even get to travel to a GP on occasion. But my practice time is limited to random MODO matches from hotel rooms on the road.

I've found that the most I can contribute consistently is through providing cards and decklists strategy updates to the younger (somehow less connected?!) crowd. This leads to people thinking that I don't like to play(!!), but nothing is further from the truth.

Anyway, thanks for writing this piece, it's exactly where I am in my now-young-again magic career. Just when I can finally afford to play, I can't afford to play…

This was a fantastic read 🙂 Thank you! I didn't find it to be a negative tone at all. I'm a 24-year old in a bit of an in-between stage, having gotten past the college dorm days and into home ownership, but not yet starting a family. I have to imagine it all comes down to balance. As superficially satisfying as "binging" on anything can be (food, MTGO, anything really), keeping perspective really helps you enjoy everything, and life itself, much more IMO!

Plus, women really are soft and smell nice 🙂

Dylan

The man shared his point of view and I for instances understand him as I too shared a similar perspective.

i work full time, and am married with two children. we are buying our first home(a very modest one).i have no college education,and have held full time work since i was 18.(im 34).i didnt even start playing magic until maybe5 or 6 years ago,but have fallen deeper in love with it every day.it doesnt take away from my life in any way . i read an hour or two daliy and hit 2 out of 3 fnm's.played in 3 ptgs in the last 3 years and have finished a little better each time(40 out of 325 players this year) my point is you dont seem like the kind of person who should be writing articals for people who love play and collect magi the gathering cards.

you do seem overwhelmed with your life,i mean you have time to write this very negative theorie but have to walk out of an fnm with your nose in the air cause your so busy?gimme a break

go play friday, have a great time ,go home and give it to your woman and make breakfast for your fam on saturday youll feel better about yourself and your woman will respect you more for being yousel . the dude she wanted in the first place ,unless you put up a fake front ,then it will fail anyway.

regardless dont trash magic as for the twenty something low level job holding single guys cause you r WRONG!